Can and Bush: The Weirdest Battle

a play by Kent Diao

 

 

TIME: 5 pm Autumn, 2005

 

PLACE: On an island in a small garden with lots of plants, bushes and a river flowing through it

 

AT RISE: We see Elsmoosho, the squashed up can waking up from sleep.

 

 

ELSMOOSHO

What a nice day to take a walk in the olÕ garden.

(George the bush enters.)

 

GEORGE

I wonder what that piece of jacked up can is doing here stinking up my garden!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Hi! Do you know where I can get some water? IÕm thirsty from this burning sun.

 

GEORGE

Look bub, you can get water anywhere but here you dirty rotten piece of messed up hobo can!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Well fine! I donÕt want your filthy water!

 

GEORGE

Then go!

 

ELSMOOSHO

 I canÕt believe that dude is so mean.

 

 

SCENE TWO

TIME: 10:00 pm

PLACE: The garden

AT RISE: We see Elsmoosho sneaking in the garden

 

ELSMOOSHO

If I canÕt have some water, IÕll steal it

(George wakes up.)

! Uh oh!

 

GEORGE

Alright whoÕs there!?!

 

ELSMOOSHO

I better get out of here!

 

GEORGE

Well you better!

 

SCENE THREE

TIME: 7:00 am

PLACE: The garden

AT RISE: We see George guarding the river

 

GEORGE

That can better not come!

 

ELSMOOSHO

LOOK WHY DONÕT YOU LET ME DRINK?

 

GEORGE

Because youÕre too dirty!!!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Well, you canÕt blame me! IÕve become dirty over time. I used to be a clean Coke can all shiny and colorful. But then I got scrunched up and left here on the ground. IÕve been sitting here for three years getting kicked around becoming litter.

 

 

GEORGE

How about I clean you up and you help me.

 

ELSMOOSHO

What do I help you with?

 

GEORGE

Help make my garden better.

 

ELSMOOSHO

Then youÕre getting the better part of the deal!

 

GEORGE

Fine then, donÕt take my deal!

 

ELSMOOSHO

OK then you bush!

 

GEORGE

At least IÕm not a can! Ha!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Good day! No wait, bad day!

 

SCENE FOUR

TIME: 6:00 pm

PLACE: The garden

AT RISE: We see Elsmoosho dressed up as Mr. T

 

ELSMOOSHO (A.K.A. Mr.T)

I pity da foo who donÕt share his water!

 

GEORGE

Nice try bum!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Rrrr! I am going to punch you!

(The blow lands. George becomes unconscious.)

That oughta teach him! What is that noise?

(Nuclear bomb falls. They both go to heaven.)

 

SCENE FIVE

TIME: 10:00 pm

PLACE: Heaven

AT RISE: They are on a cloud arguing

 

 

GEORGE

I know you blew up the city just to get away from me! Well, guess what, I made it to heaven!

 

ELSMOOSHO

I wonder if I could blow up heaven?

 

GEORGE

You better not!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Watch me!

(Elsmoosho takes a bomb and blows up heaven.)

 

SCENE SIX

TIME: 12:00 pm

PLACE: Heaven #2

AT RISE: They are arguing on a cloud

 

ELSMOOSHO

Look! If you just give me some waterÉ

 

GEORGE

Oh no here we go with giving free stuff to bums!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Alright thatÕs it! You and me in the circle of death.

 

GEORGE

Come on you know we canÕt! You are a can and IÕm a bush!

 

ELSMOOSHO

Fine how about you give me water and we be friends?

 

GEORGE

Do you really honestly believe that I would fall for that? Now, if youÕll excuse me, IÕll be going to the buffet.

(George leaves.)

 

ELSMOOSHO

I canÕt believe that fool! He doesnÕt know what I am. If he would just give me some water, I could grant him a wish. But he doesnÕt know that I am magic. I want him to give me water not just to get a wish, but to give it to me because he feels IÕm his friend.

(George comes back wiping his mouth.)

 

GEORGE

Are you still trying to get water?

 

ELSMOOSHO

Alright how about this, you give me some water and IÕll give you anything you want?

 

GEORGE

OK, but how can I trust you?

 

ELSMOOSHO

Let me tell you something. IÕve wanted water for a long time and I will give anything for it. Plus, IÕm afraid you will squash me more if I donÕt give you your wish.

 

GEORGE

Well, you do have a point thereÉSo IÕll think about it.

 

ELSMOOSHO

Well, please hurry, IÕm almost dead!

 

GEORGE

Fine IÕll give you some water.

 

ELSMOOSHO

Oh please hurry!

 

GEORGE

But I canÕt give unless you give me my wish!

 

ELSMOOSHO

I canÕt until you give me water!

 

GEORGE

Fine, IÕll give you water!

(George gives water. Elsmoosho drinks water.)

 

ELSMOOSHO

Alright now I give you your wish!

 

(Elsmoosho glows green and a garden appears.)

 

GEORGE

Wow! Thanks a lot!

 

ELSMOOSHO

YouÕre welcome. So what do we do now?

 

GEORGE

Wanna live here with me in the garden?

 

ELSMOOSHO

Alright! Together we can create a great environment and we can have a separate city!

 

GEORGE

ItÕs nice doinÕ business with you.

 

(They shake hands.)

THE END